I sometimes find it very difficult to reign in my own expectations. I need to do things at a certain pace and if they're not done I feel really put out about it which makes me grumpy with others. Poor Sean suffers this, he doesn't help by then deliberately bouncing about like a bouncy ball on speed which goes to further irritate me as I just can't get things done and finished.
I went to a Transcendental Meditation intro event a week or so ago and decided that, after researching a little more about it, that I wanted to try it. It seems that at the interview stage you're asked what you want TM to help with in your life and I've been dwelling on that recently, I've come up with a few things so far:
1. Be a nicer person - I don't consider myself a nasty person but I feel sorry for Sean and my family, I have to give so much to being a nice person at work that they end up with the worn-out, grumpier version of me and I don't want them to have to always be with that person cause that's not who I am and frankly, who wants to always be around a grumpy person?
2. Find a deeper sense of connection - I'm not a religious person per-say, but I do feel like a floating boat at times and I can't find my own anchor. I rely on Sean to steer me and that's not fair on him either.
3. Someone who used TM once said, "It felt like being at the bottom of a pool with a party going on above, it was calm and peaceful where I was just watching the party above" - I'm a stress-head, I stress even if there's no stress to stress about and I'd like to not do that, I'd like to be able to not react so violently to news (again this happens at home because at work I focus on being a calm individual) and have a calmer, more balanced approach.
4. Along with the deeper sense of connection, a deeper sense of love and trust in the Universe - whether it's the age, my age, but to trust in something without proof of existence can be challenging from a logical sense and I can find myself questioning, pushing, testing and ultimately not trusting.
5. The final one is rest, TM is meant to put you to a place of deep rest for your body and I need that. I can sleep for 10 hours and still wake up not being rested, feeling tired in the middle of the day and with that I lose focus (and temperament) so that seems like a fitting aspect to desire from TM.
I've wanted a meditation practise in my life for years but never quite found what works, I need to occupy my mind with mantra or song or sound and have a sense of community, a sense of everyone learning together, that all helps me. So I have high hopes for TM - my interview is tomorrow and then I can get myself onto a induction schedule. Do you do TM or have a meditation practise?