It's been a tough couple of weeks, there's been a lot going on and a lot to stress about. I am a natural stress-head and so a situation came up and that was me. I've spent hours agonising over it, re-working it in my head, trying to guess the next steps and stages, guess what the other person is thinking - it's a trauma. To the point that when the situation is brought up I close the conversation down quite quickly, I find it exhausting and I can't control the situation.
I'd just like it to be over, but I know that we're in a process and we're not done yet. I'm not a person who likes confrontation or a long-running disagreement, so I like to sort it out and shut it down, allowing me to move on quickly. I got so mad about something the other day, I was ranting and raving about it, but as I was told and what brought me back down to earth was... that is outside of my circle of influence. I can't influence that situation, what that person has done, I can only influence my reaction to the information. I hit the ground with a little bump and humbled myself. That comment has stuck with me, what is in my circle of influence?
So back to the book, Mum has mentioned it and she clearly has her copy out again to read through it. It's in my circle of influence to either read the book, which I broke down instead and decide to listen to the book.
I think with these kinds of books you always see the issues within yourself, not wholly but some of them. I walked into work and immediately recognised that I was projecting a story line onto myself and my colleagues, so I started to talk myself round, tell myself that I was an instrument of the Universe and that I recognised the situation and instead wanted to return to peace instead of this.
I think the thing I connect to is the desire to meditate, I think I was built to have a spirit-junkie life. As much as I appreciate my belongings and my material possessions, my home is my castle, I design my space to reflect myself and to reflect the emotional state I want to be in - calm. What I struggle with is shutting my mind up, it just keeps on and trying to clear it is no help as all I think about then is blank paper, clear skies and very quickly thoughts are trickling back in. I loved doing yoga, but I've not gone back - why? Because I've not found the time. Have I practised at home to try and get better? Nope. Why? Because I've not found the time, and I've not pushed myself - when I get home I veg and that's how my evenings role.
I want to practise meditating, using a mantra might help to re-direct my thoughts elsewhere as I find even music settles down my mind and my focus improves. I can only see the benefit of meditating and with all the new, exciting, challenging things coming up this year I want to consciously choose calm, intuitive and positive energy to meet all these things. I have a beautiful company launching product in September which I am so excited about, and I want all my positive energy behind it, because I truly believe in it.
Perhaps the book will help. Have you had success with meditating?