Over the past couple of years, and with the agreement of several friends, I've decided that being an adult is really scary. It's not how I thought it would be at all. In my ideas of what an adult would be like was this vague idea that I would have lots of spare cash, that I would suddenly know a lot more, I'd just take on life experience rapidly and feel reassured in my knowledge of the world. It's almost a laughable list of things that just don't happen that way.
I couldn't be an adult without Google, I'm not sure how people survived without Google as it serves a daily purpose in my life - from new recipes and spell checking words, to directions and general knowledge. I still feel like a child at times, when I consider what I do for my job and try to think of my skills in terms of looking at moving Company, I panic - what do I actually know? I'm not sure I know how to do anything else.
Today I had lunch with my University flat-mates, we sat and reminisced over dim sum, while interjecting with new news about our lives. It was fantastic to sit and talk to them, there was no pressure to perform, we all fit together as we had over 5 years ago when we lived together. The way we interact is the same, the hilarious points of each other's personalities cause us to laugh still but now I found I was sitting at a table with four friends... Four friends that I'd lived with, I'd spent all of my University life with, and that were now leagues ahead of me in their own careers.
It is perhaps not the right thing to do to compare as how can two lives be compared? Never-the-less, sitting there with friends and truly feeling in awe of their accomplishments, I reflected on my own accomplishments. I'm not a very brave person and have been in the same Company for a number of years, because I've never felt that moving to another Company in the same industrial sector was a good move. When I was younger I wanted to be a vet, knowing that I wouldn't get the grades I decided to study Food Science, then not liking that and wanting to find something I charged forward with management. I question myself a lot, should I move to another industry? I certainly don't want to have to start from the bottom again because I am a damn good manager, and I refuse to do that climb all over again.
On my drive home I went through all of the things I'd promised myself I'd do this year and - with deep disappointment in myself - realised that I hadn't ticked much of my list:
- Start vocal coaching - I joined a community choir and have done three terms with them so far...
- Learn how to play the piano - Sean bought me a keyboard and I played "Itsy Bitsy Spider"
- Learn how to speak Italian - I did one course, I didn't attend all sessions and I don't really remember anything...
- Take a life drawing class
- Learn to ride a dirt bike
Someone said to me once, that if I hadn't done University I could still be in the same place I am now in my career and that is a depressing truth. It's a harsh but depressing truth, it also makes me angry and disappointed in myself.
Thankfully there is always time to turn it around, I have given myself a royal arse-kicking today so my bestie Google and I have been web-surfing to find some solutions. Time to get some of that list ticked off, and perhaps to pep up my CV again. Who knows?