It was like auto-pilot when you're driving, when your brain clicks back into active thought after a period of cruising and you realise you've not actually been paying attention to where you were going, you were just doing it. I have an auto-pilot with chocolate and sweets that I have developed and honed over the years. I'm not cursing myself out or punishing myself for it, I'm simply taking the time to recognise the habit and the situation when it occurred so I can pay active attention next time, put interference in the way so I can lay the foundation for a new habit.
Last night I had a couple of the chocolate balls, I was actively aware of my choice and instead of inhaling them immediately (normally that net of chocolate balls wouldn't have even made it home), I slowly took one and savoured the flavour. I only had three!
Today is my day off from work and I've noticed I actually have less of a schedule, I'm almost less organised on a day off. My eating pattern is weird which makes me want to snack more. I had a couple of chocolate balls today, from about 11am until 2pm I had about 10. Again I actively chose to do what I was doing and forced myself to slow down and that is a success. Some successes are small, some are big. This is a win for me.
Then tonight... I've had a great night, out to dinner with the family before seeing The Full Monty stage show - it was amazing if you must know! My parents have just come back from a long weekend in Germany with my aunt and uncle and as per Mum had brought back a collection of things for me - some zigeuner sauce, spaetzle, cinnamon and almond biscuits, chocolate covered gingerbread biscuits, some fantastic decorations and as I emptied the bags out I unearthed six bars of Milka chocolate. Christ alive.
We bought loads of Milka chocolate when we were over in Germany last year, it's super buttery in comparison with the milky deliciousness of Dairy Milk and I soon got sick of it. As I unpacked the bags in my own flat, put the chocolate and biscuits away I immediately had the thought "well I'll just sit down and watch Great British Menu, oh I might have a bar of Milka because Sean's asleep so he'll never know". I had the thought to sneak a whole bar of chocolate without Sean knowing as if it wouldn't count? What have I done to myself here. I grabbed a pack of melon and grapes and slunk off to the living room. The temptation of having that much chocolate in the flat is ringing in my ears and will put every inch of my will power to the test. I need to maintain, "It must change, I must change it, I can change it".
I'm going back to the gym next week. This is my weekend off coming up but Sean's on night shift Monday night so I'm going to go Monday night. I need to find myself a schedule. I don't want to go to the gym on my days off as I generally am working with Mum or chilling and I need to take that time for myself. I need to get myself a good schedule for throughout the week. I think Monday is a good day as it sets the tone for the week, I need to work up to doing Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday so let's work on working on that. Two days a week initially would work well.
Right, I'm going to eat my melon and grapes, renewed and on the ball. Party on.