I was constantly being told "just stop eating" - but I didn't eat a lot, I ate less than my slim size 12 mother yet all I ever constantly heard was "stop eating". It was depressing, it's also highly irritating when people make those kind of judgemental statements as if they know what you do, what you've been through and where you are in life. I'd tried the diets, I was constantly cutting this out or not eating that but my addiction to sugar was colossal. I'd choose chocolate over any other type of food, and I would fuel my body with only sugar for days at a time.
I know as I type this you're saying to yourself - well no wonder you're overweight, what a stupid thing to do. But when you are there, when all you can think about eating, all you crave is chocolate, then it's the way of your world. I'd managed to give up chocolate for short periods of time but always ended up going back.
So now, sitting in my parents house in Yorkshire, listening to a conversation I've heard several times before, I was flicking through a newly bought copy of Deliciously Ella's cook book. I appreciated that she was honest about her sugar addiction - I didn't have any diseases, so unlike her wasn't catapulted into a new way of living with no options. I had the choice, and I was making it.
Poor Sean was dragged along for the journey, but that is the sort of thing that happens when your partner doesn't cook for himself!
Discussing it with my mum resulted in her buying the book and committing to try it also. And so we committed to working through Deliciously Ella's cookbook, trying her gluten-free vegan recipes while also adopting a sugar-free and primarily dairy-free lifestyle. I always said I would do it, the only dairy I have are yoghurt's, but as for vegan... I would try the recipes (including beetroot - bleurgh) but I would use chicken and/or fish as additions to the meal. This would be such a huge lifestyle change for us that I wanted to make the transition easier and by including some chicken or fish it wouldn't feel that drastic.
It felt like a good decision. I felt like I'd be able to get it right this time. I felt strong enough for once.
When I returned back to Edinburgh that's when the real journey begins...