I packed my gym bag this morning (for the first time since my extravagant speech) and only because I happened to be up and about earlier than normal and it suddenly occurred to me that it was actually Tuesday and I should be going to the gym tonight. Now, at the end of Tuesday, I am looking at that gym bag with a mix of resentment and denial. I also just filled in todays "chocolate log" which I have been keeping on my phone since the start of April. Put it this way, when scrolling through that log, it's the diary of an addict. It appears to be that my days off are by far the worst days as I scavenge all day long, where at least in work I'm constantly moving and busy only really stopping to eat at break time (plus the occasional midday snack, when I say occasional I mean almost daily).
So I'm here, sweating, and trying to desperately to stir some motivation up in myself. I would almost love the excuse to say "I never get motivated about anything"... but I can't. When I'm excited about things I am buzzing with energy and I want to do it. I've been there before with gym sessions and I need to develop that relationship again, because its a necessity.
I've started getting annoyingly acid reflux nightly and that generally means that there's too much fat. My tummy normally is flat down from my ribcage, I'm talking flat in the sense there is a measurable straight line from my rib cage to my bloop. There isn't right now, the fat has crept onto my ribcage in a fashion that I can grab a chunk of (not cool) and my "double chin" it's not quite a double unless I pull my head into my neck but there is fat around my jaw line and underneath my chin - more so than there should be and I have to say that's something I really don't like very much.
Actually, it's fairly therapeutic and motivating (*gasp*) to even just be thinking this out loud in a sense. I have day dreams about being able to run (as a human I can physically run if I need to but in terms of running as a sport or exercise I've never really gotten it down - my general weight and then my boobs are difficult factors to work around!) and I want to develop that because how can you day dream about something so often if you have a hate relationship?
I do want to get back onto a cross trainer and work on my stamina, which is shocking atm, and that always used to be great to get weight off of my legs. I am going to avoid weight machines for the initial period as I need to get the fat burning going first, no point building muscle under fat.
I do love George's YouTube videos - #FullerFigureFullerBustSweating - who would have heard of a frog squat otherwise? I loved the snippet she put up of her doing video #4 on her Facebook a couple of days ago, including:
- Press Ups
- Burpees - I have to say, I liked seeing a plus size person doing these. You watch the super slim fitness trainers doing them (and raving about them) and that's all well and good, but a fat body just doesn't do things like a slim body. Especially when it comes to that whole movement.
- Leg raises
- Frog squats - these look awesome, it's like a body hug rocking backwards and forward on your haunches.
- High knees
- Scissor kicks - I could feel the burn from these just watching!
- Walkouts - this felt like a yoga movement, trying to get from downward facing dog back to standing upright, and that is a bloody pain! Another instance of a fat body being slightly more difficult to move than a slim body.
But it has happened, I feel more motivated to go to the gym and so will away before it wears off! I may even try a frog squat, purely because they look great fun - I will regret saying that but #life.